Before I move onto other things: I think the conclusion from the last post is that venting does indeed help. Especially where it feels like I'm doing it without an audience but with an audience all at the same time.

The past few days have been a bit up and down. I say a bit; quite considerably. Last night I went with some friends to see Tim Minchin which was beyond amazing - not only his performance, but also realising that I was able to sit in an arena with 10,000 people and not feel anxious. The only bit I had trouble with was the crushing crowd as everyone tried to get out at the end - which I think is perfectly normal, all things considered.

However, on Monday I got the bad news that if I moved out of here and into my friends' house, I would lose all of my housing eligibility. It's much more complex than that, but it does come down to 'would not be able to get social housing' - and whilst I love my friends dearly and would enjoy living with them, the location is not where I want to be permanently and so I don't think I'm prepared to move there what would be permanently. I've not made the final decision yet and won't properly do so until after Christmas, but I think I'm leaning towards staying here and working to make it better.

Alternatively I also have the potential option of going into fully supported housing (I have "remote" supported housing at the moment, as it were - my support worker comes over regularly and acts as my contact for everything that goes on with my housing so that I don't have to speak to random strangers all the time). It would be a move from temporary housing to temporary housing though, which the council aren't too keen on doing - plus spaces are quite thin on the ground there. However it would make me feel a lot safer, it's in the place I want to be living and it would give me much much better transport links to my friends' houses - which would I hope make me feel less isolated.

When I found out what the situation was on Monday, I told people and then literally just crawled into bed. I couldn't handle being awake anymore. This morning - er, afternoon really - I also had the same thing. At around half past two I got out of bed and have been moderately productive since, but I have had an underlying lowness for most of the past few days. Barring yesterday evening! Which I am clinging to the memory of because I felt so happy. To me, sharing in peoples' creations and enjoyment of them is basically a spiritual experience. Plus I spent hours laughing, which is always good for me and I should do things like that more often.

For now, time to resume attempting to be productive.