Isn't it lovely? The blue is awesome. It's a bit more slate blue when it dries fully, but it's really calming and cosy all at once. I am also very pleased with the horrible 70s stone in its new white form.
However, I am not actually here to blog about my flat, exciting though it is. I am here to blog about the pretty weird day I've been having. After speaking to my mum last night she advised me to take a couple of days off before the busy weekend (where we are driving up to Norfolk, filling a van with all my belongings and moving me in etc). So I'm trying to do that. Only I feel very guilty for having days off, because there's a bit of my head that says "well it's not like you go to work like everyone else, what have you got to be tired about" and so on. What that means is that I just don't relax very well.
This in turn creates a circle of guilt, because by not relaxing properly I am letting myself and those close to me down. (I'm aware that much of this may not be logical; I am trying to preserve the thoughts as they appear in my head because then you can see the place I have to work from). This makes me feel worse, relax less, and then we link round into the beginning again.
I've signed up for a study into the helpfulness or otherwise of online support groups for mental illness. It involves joining a forum and participating to get help and advice. I'm really not sure how to approach it, at the moment, and I keep getting thrown by the fact that I read threads where people have low self-esteem and think to myself "but people are awesome, all people - even those that have bad qualities are still really complex and interesting and worthy people, how can you not see how wonderful you are". A small voice in my head crops up at this point and wonders why I can't apply this point of view to myself.
Still, we'll see how it goes. If nothing else I will at least be able to tell myself that I contributed usefully to the study.
I take days off from the world whenever I can get them. You should not feel guilty for doing so. And I'm barely working, so it doesn't count. We all need time to ourselves. In fact, that's something I should have done when I was unemployed, rather than stressing every day. So your mum's advice is sound, and you have nothing to feel guilty about!
ReplyDelete